So just to add an important point on the topic of love languages, of which as we have seen there are plenty of examples in Islam too…
I am sure if you have gone through the different ones, there will have been one that may have stood out for you as being one you love receiving! Now…put that one aside! No really, because the reason why there are so called ‘communication’ breakdowns is because what tends to happen is that we tend to give to our loved ones the love language WE love to receive! But they may be speaking another love language altogether!
So the key here is to figure out which one you think THEY appreciate the most – do they seem to really respond to when you tell them how much you appreciate them, or when you go out of your way to make them a thoughtful gift? Do they really connect with you when you spend time with them, or when you do the small everyday acts of service for them?
We all need all of them, so don’t feel like if you’ve covered one, that’s it But do try and think which one your spouse, child, friend, etc may like the most, and go out of your way to do it for them!
P.S. Then take a minute or two to be cheeky – explain love languages to them and tell them what YOU really like receiving 🙂
Happy Valentine’s Day!
Continuing on the theme of the Love Language: Words of Affirmation, why not try this at home from this Valentine’s Day…
These are Love Books! They are just four little note books which we covered with funky paper and hearts – each one of us has our own book.
Every time we want to appreciate something the other person has done, we write it in the book! As we do tend to forget to do this over time, we now make it a point to do it at least once weekly – we start our weekly family meeting by telling each other what we appreciated and write it down.
Nowadays we don’t even need the books to remind us to do this…even if we’re out and about and have some time with the four of us together, we will do our round of appreciations – and I can tell it really means a lot to the kids! They start getting offended if we seem to be taking too long to think of one 🙂
We started it around last Valentine’s day and Alhamd it is still going strong. I hope this book – and the tons of Words of Affirmation that are in them – will be something they will treasure when they’re older.
Am also thinking of making another little notebook but purely for Allah and things we are grateful for that He has blessed us with. This will help us all to consciously think of the different things He has given to us over the week, and be grateful for them!
This fifth love language is not only about the words you use in your relationships with other halves/children, but also how you say it.
Everyone knows the boost a kind word or compliment can give, so why not increase the ones we dish out to the people around us?
Allah even talks about the long lasting fruitful effects of these words: “Have you not considered how Allah sets forth a parable of a good word (being) like a good tree, whose root is firm and whose branches are in heaven.”
In Kerbala, the most poignant of examples of using words of affirmation is when Jon bin Huway – a freed black slave whose love for Imam Husayn (as) knew no bounds – was fatally wounded. Imam took him in his lap, affirmed him and prayed for him, and a sweet fragrance began to emit from the blood-soaked body straight away as the Imam’s supplication was granted.
This love language is all about doing something for your loved one/children that you know they would like for you to do. Cooking a meal, washing dishes, taking out the garbage, mowing the lawn, changing the baby’s diaper, and painting the bedroom, etc.
Most of us probably do these day in, day out without even realising how many acts of service we are doing, but take a minute today to make it a CONSCIOUS act of love… I love these pictures because they add an extra awesomeness to that everyday thing we do
We also do all this without expecting recognition/appreciation – or vice versa, expect our loved ones to do these without giving recognition/appreciation! Now don’t get me wrong, ultimately we know that we are doing these things to please Allah and not for recognition, etc, but being appreciated just adds to the sweetness (and motivates us to do more!) – likewise, take a minute today to appreciate someone who has done something for you!
We have plenty of examples in Islam for Acts of Service – Imam Ali (a.s.) used to help Bibi Fatima in the household chores: Imam Ali (a.s.) often helped Fatima (a.s.) in the house affairs. He said, “Once, the messenger of Allah (a.s.) visited us while Fatima was near the cooking pot and I was picking out lentils. He said, ‘O Abul Hasan, listen to what I say, and I do not say except from my Lord. Every man, who helps his wife in her house, Allah will write for him as much as the hairs on his body (the reward of) worship of a year; fasting in the day and worshipping all the night, and Allah will give him like the reward of the patient and the righteous.’”
Although the whole of Kerbala can be seen as an act of service to Islam, one specific example is that of Hazrat Abbas, and how he selflessly went to get water for Bibi Sakina and the other young children, and tried to protect that water with everything he had, including his life, on the way back.
As it is nearly Valentine’s Day, i think it’s time for a series on love!
Love Languages in Islam
Have you ever come across something called Love Languages? The Five Love Languages is a faith-based book written by Gary Chapman, who says that the biggest problem in all relationships is not that love fades or dies, but that people communicate love in different ways.
He identifies the 5 main different ways in which love can be communicated. Inshallah we will go through one a day and take a look at what Islam says about these forms of love and examples of them from history…and then hopefully implement them in our lives!
P.S. I have done this in lessons with children and they have come up with some amazing stuff!